August 13, 2006
Rev. Terry D. Campbell

When Winning Is Really Losing
2 Samuel 18:5-9, 31-33

“The king commanded Joab, Abishai and Ittai, ‘Be gentle with the young man Absalom for my sake.’ And all the troops heard the king giving orders concerning Absalom to each of the commanders.
⁶The army marched into the field to fight Israel, and the battle took place in the forest of Ephraim. ⁷There the army of Israel was defeated by David’s men, and the casualties that day were great—twenty thousand men. ⁸The battle spread out over the whole countryside, and the forest claimed more lives that day than the sword.
⁹Now Absalom happened to meet David’s men. He was riding his mule, and as the mule went under the thick branches of a large oak, Absalom’s head got caught in the tree. He was left hanging in midair, while the mule he was riding kept on going.
Then the Cushite arrived and said, ‘My lord the king, hear the good news! The Lord has delivered you today from all who rose up against you.’
³²The king asked the Cushite, ‘Is the young man Absalom safe?’
The Cushite replied, ‘May the enemies of my lord the king and all who rise up to harm you be like that young man.’
³³The king was shaken. He went up to the room over the gateway and wept. As he went, he said: ‘O my son Absalom! My son, my son Absalom! If only I had died instead of you—O Absalom, my son, my son!’”

There’s Good news and bad news: The Cushite said to King David, “‘The Lord has delivered you today from all who rose up against you.’ ³²The king asked,‘Is the young man Absalom safe?’
The Cushite replied, ‘May the enemies of my lord the king and all who rise up to harm you be like that young man.’

David knew within himself that his own careless life of sin was bearing bitter fruit. His life had negatively affected folk around him.

Parent’s lives cast shadows over their children

In fact, we ALL cast a shadow! Beware of the shadow you cast—the life you live before other people. Some will remember the TV ad with a son sitting beside his father under a tree. The son is admiring everything is father is doing—looking around crossing is legs—and then the father reaches for a cigarette and puts the pack down beside the boy. The boy looks at the cigarettes and then his father and finally reaches for the cigarettes.

We see it in admiring music celebrities—dressing like them, looking like them. It is in admiration for sports figures—“I want to be like Mike.” I really wanted to be like Wilt Chamberlain—I even copied his behind the back shot—I just shot it a little closer to the court than he did.

Many years ago a small Jewish boy asked his father, “Why must we surrender our Jewish faith and start to attend Lutheran services here in Germany?

The father replied, ‘Son, we must abandon our faith so that people will accept us and support our business adventures!’

The young lad never got over his disappointment and bitterness. His faith in his father and in his religion were crushed. When the lad left Germany he went to England to study at the British Museum where he formed his philosophies for life. From those intensive investigations he wrote a book that changed the world called, The Communist Manifesto.”

The name of that little boy was Karl Marx. He influenced billions into a stream that for 70 years ruined, imprisoned and confused many lives. The influence of this father’s hypocrisy multiplied in infamy. The father really lost a lot when he thought he had won.

Now we come to King David—a busy, hands-on king—a good king, but with questionable parenting skills. David’s adult example was terrible. He did not take time to be involved with his children; David had multiple wives; and to cap it all off, he had an affair and had the woman’s husband killed.

David wasn’t completely surprised when he heard that his oldest son, Amnon, raped Tamar, the half sister of Amnon, but the full sister of Absalom. When David didn’t do anything about it or even talk to Amnon or Absalom, David should have predicted that Absalom’s anger would grow until it would blow. And now, Amnon was dead, Absalom was dead and David could see shades of his life being lived out by those close to him.

On whom does your shadow fall and where will it point them? Who is watching you at the grocery, at the soccer or football games, at work or school, at club or sorority meetings, or when others see you not at church when you should be? Your INTEGRITY speaks to others, especially those who look up to you. They learn, for example, as they hear you express your focus, “I just wanted to help you out” (in other words, “I’m a good deed doer”) as opposed to hearing you reply, “I’m just trying to make Jesus’ love concrete or real in this world.” They get two different views of the value you put on your faith and witness—to emulate.

All sing: “May all who come behind us find us faithful. May the fire of our devotion light their way. May the footprints that we leave teach them to believe and the lives we live inspire them to obey. O may all who come behind us find us faithful.”

Confused and needy children (people) need parenting.

When the Cushite told David, “’ The Lord has delivered you today from all who rose up against you.’” He was saying to David, “You’re back in charge; your throne is safe again; you win!” David won his job but lost his son in the process. Confused and needy children (people) need parenting.

Absalom needed guidance from the beginning. 2 Samuel 14:25-26-“In all Israel there was not a man so highly praised for his handsome appearance as Absalom. From the top of his head to the sole of his foot there was no blemish in him. ²⁶Whenever he cut the hair of his head—he used to cut his hair from time to time when it became too heavy for him—he would weigh it, and its weight was two hundred shekels by the royal standard.”

Yet so far we see no time where David talks to his children about their character, their actions or the consequences thereof. David seems incapable of disciplining his children.

2 Samuel 13:21-23-“When King David heard all this, he was furious. ²²Absalom never said a word to Amnon, either good or bad; he hated Amnon because he had disgraced his sister Tamar. ²³Two years later, when Absalom’s sheepshearers were at Baal Hazor near the border of Ephraim, he invited all the king’s sons to come there.”

That set-up Absalom’s revenge and murdering of Amnon. Again David handles it by not dealing with it. 2 Samuel 14:24-“But the king said, ‘He must go to his own house; he must not see my face.’ So Absalom went to his own house and did not see the face of the king.”

David didn’t talk meaningfully with his children. It was not helpful to pretend with his children that his affair with Bathsheba never happened. Perhaps the rape of Tamar could have been avoided if David had talked with his children about his own wrong choices and used them to teach. It didn’t help to ignore Amnon’s guilt or Absalom’s pain. It would have been more loving to deal with Absalom’s runaway ego when he was younger.

Who is struggling, wandering lost and needs you to mentor them, to help them with insight and growth?

All sing, “May all who come behind us find us faithful. May the fire of our devotion light their way. May the footprints that we leave teach them to believe and the lives we live inspire them to obey. O may all who come behind us find us faithful.”

Rebellion, even for justified reason, is dangerous if not controlled.

Absalom didn’t talk to David or anyone—he just let his anger rule. But when his anger was successful, he failed and ruined his family.

James 1:20 (TNIV)-“our anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.”

Ephesians 4:26 (GW) –“Be angry without sinning. Don’t go to bed angry.” Anger is a normal emotion, but it must be dealt with appropriately—with work it out, or forgiveness and let God handle it.

Matthew 18:15-17-“’If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over. ¹⁶But if he will not listen, take one or two others along, so that 'every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’ ¹⁷If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, treat him as you would a pagan or a tax collector.’”

The power of Forgiveness to bring life back to YOU.

What will you do now?

• How you are living? Think!—it affects many people. Live for God.
• Look for people God calls you to help grow spiritually.
• Look for Godly and positive ways to diffuse anger. Then when we live we will really win.

All sing, “May all who come behind us find us faithful. May the fire of our devotion light their way. May the footprints that we leave teach them to believe and the lives we live inspire them to obey. O may all who come behind us find us faithful. ” Amen.